Stephanie and Cullen

We both had a gut feeling that it wasn’t going to be easy, but we never imagined it would be this hard.

Our journey is approaching a four-year mark and it seems like it’s nowhere near done. We have spent so many nights researching diets, special smoothies, special candles, specific essential oils and even certain baths. Just to give ourselves some kind of hope. We’ve read books, support groups and sought professional help but our story continues to be an “unexplained infertility”.

Sometimes we find the best way to get over comments from our loved ones that are the least supportive by comparing which one is worse, trying to find the humor in what people say.

We have gone through four failed rounds of clomid, change of jobs for less stress and signed up for IVF in 2016 with a new Invocell clinic. What was supposed to a procedure to happen in the fall of 2016, didn’t happen until the summer of 2017.

With Stephanie’s body, there was a concern of hyperstimulation. She had to be monitored intensly for a month. After retrieving 12 eggs, and successfully creating 4 embryos in the Fall…we had to wait three more months to do a transfer. In December 2017 we transferred two embryos hoping for our Christmas miracle, instead scrooge brought us a BFN on Christmas day.

Now we wait for a second round of IVF in hopes there will be light soon, in hopes we don’t have to hear hurtful comments from people close to us. Every doctor appointment, every dollar spent, every acupuncture appointment, every blood test, HSG test, ultrasound and pill we have to swallow we hope to be the last one.

Every day we go on a roller coaster of grief, depression, love and happiness. Each New Year, we say… This is our year, hopefully this year we are right. Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars 11:11, and birthday candles… Do your job.