When someone has had their ID physically or electronically stolen, there is often a feeling of being deeply violated. It’s a feeling that who we’ve built ourselves up to be has now been tainted by the misuse or abuse of our reputation, or good standing that we’ve worked so hard for. Sometimes infertility can giveRead more
On July 4th, 2018 my phone rang. “CONGRATULATIONS! You’re pregnant! Your beta hCG test came back at 1043.” I’m sure the nurse thought I didn’t care, because I didn’t get excited. I didn’t cry, I didn’t get emotional, I just said thank you and asked what was next. The thing was, I had already known forRead more
I am afraid. I’m afraid that we won’t ever get pregnant again. I’m afraid that we will get pregnant, but we will lose the baby again. After a twin stillbirth and a molar pregnancy, my only experience with pregnancy is, well… not good. And so, I am afraid. As October is Pregnancy andRead more
There’s a room in my house, a room that may forever remain unused for its intended means. A room filled with hopes and dreams and things collected over the years. Treasured possessions from our childhood, saved with the hope of passing it on. Items purchased while we were blissfully ignorant of the “what ifs”, someRead more
When I started thinking about the topic of this blog, I didn’t realize I would be experiencing it again so soon. My husband and I were talking about ideas for what I could write about and we both agreed on the topic of how infertility and our previous miscarriage had robbed us of our abilityRead more
What do you see when you look in the mirror? Me? I see a warrior. A fighter. Resilience. A strong (but scarred) woman. Grit. But… I also see a reflection that makes me sad. One that reminds me of the second trimester stillbirth of my twin babies, and the evidence of three plus years ofRead more
I’m a planner. I can’t lie— I don’t do well when plans change or I don’t know how something will work out. According to some, I might be labelled a “control freak”, but personally, I just like to call it being prepared. So when we were diagnosed with infertility, well, I was stunned. I neverRead more
Infertility can make even the strongest person feel like giving up at times. Exhaustion and uncertainty can creep in, making you question everything you’ve been working towards. Usually these feelings pass. But what happens when they don’t? How do you decide to stop fighting for something that you’ve wanted more than anything? Something you’ve spentRead more
Which is worse? Stepping on broken glass, or on burning coal? What about stubbing your baby toe on the coffee table, or getting a paper cut under your fingernail? Now, what about miscarrying at 6 weeks, or 12 weeks? Or how about if you’ve had 1 miscarriage, or 3? Have you tried to conceive forRead more
Somewhere along the way, I lost myself and I stumbled to pick up the pieces. I don’t know when it happened or what triggered the moment I finally fell apart, but I somehow became a shell of my existence. It may’ve been the years of treatments, the countless negative pregnancy tests, or the feeling ofRead more