Kate & Stefano

My partner and I started trying to conceive in 2018, when I was twenty six years old. Like so many others, I didn’t expect it to be hard.

During that first year of trying to conceive my dad passed away, which completely derailed our plans and was my first (but not last) experience with real grief.  After 2 years of trying to conceive and not a single positive pregnancy test, I knew something was wrong.  I was going to make an appointment with a fertility clinic when COVID hit, which pushed our journey back yet another year.

Finally, in 2021, I got my diagnosis: low AMH (around 1-1.4 at 29), left fallopian tube blocked, and low morphology on my partner’s side; so, straight to IVF we went. After  the first egg retrieval we were left with 3 blastocysts, but unfortunately 2 were aneuploid and 1 was low-level mosaicism (LLM). We were shocked.  We decided to proceed with a second egg retrieval, and from that cycle had 2 euploid blastocysts.

Unfortunately, the first embryo transfer resulted in a chemical pregnancy. After 3 years of trying to get pregnant, I had not seen a positive pregnancy test and was so excited to see my first. I thought the issue was getting pregnant, and naively didn’t think staying pregnant would be a problem.

With only 1 euploid blastocyst left, and finally receiving provincial coverage (as the first 2 cycles were entirely out of pocket) we did a third egg retrieval. Thankfully, during this cycle all 4 blasts were euploid.

With 5 euploid blastocysts banked, I felt more confident that we might have success and that the one chemical pregnancy was just a fluke.

The second transfer turned into another chemical.

Then the third transfer was a blighted ovum.

After 3 losses in the space of 12 months I was completely broken and I had given up pretty much all hope. The little bit of hope I felt for each transfer seemed like a cruel joke when the clinic would call to tell me each pregnancy had failed. I had failed.

I was contemplating doing another egg retrieval, even though I had three euploids left, but my RE suggested we could try a kitchen sink/immune protocol, even though the RPL blood work had come back normal.

So, after a 6 month break, into the 4th transfer I went. Against all odds I made it to the first ultrasound and instead of being told the usual, “I’m sorry”, this time, there was actually a heart beat!

Long story short, that little 2AA embryo I thought for sure had no chance and was going to go into my body to die, turned into the happiest 8 month old baby boy.  After six years of trying and 3 years of IVF, I finally got my rainbow baby.

This journey is so incredibly difficult, sometimes cruel, and for those still in the fight I am sending you hugs. Infertility is something I wish no one would have to experience or endure, and want you to know to give yourself some grace during this time.

What do you want others to take away from your story?

For a long time I didn’t share my story with many people, and I’ve come to understand what I was feeling was shame. Shame that my body couldn’t do the one thing society tells us it’s made to do, and that I couldn’t achieve the one thing I’ve always wanted. But, I’ve learned it’s not something to feel shame in. It’s important we continue to talk about it, so that more people understand the pain and those that are experiencing it feel like they are not alone. I want people that are still in this fight to have hope.