July 18, 2009 was the happiest day of my life – the day I married my husband. It wasn't until 2 years later a harsh reality set in. We tried getting pregnant for a year before seeing a doctor. We were referred to a clinic an hour from where we lived. After the initial consultation, I was put on Clomid and started the IUI process. We did 5 IUI's before seeing our doctor again. At this point, he suggested that we move onto IVF. We took the summer off only to find out that our doctor was under investigation for malpractice and negligence. As soon as we heard the news, we left the clinic.
Within a few months, we met with our new doctor. At this time, some tests and blood work were done to find out that my husband has a lower sperm count and I have a low AMH. The money that we had spent on the IUIs at the other clinic was a waste since we should have been IVF patients from day one.
Now we moved on to IVF. Our first attempt didn't go so well and I ended up ovulating on my own. Our second attempt (under a long protocol) worked and 15 eggs were retrieved. We ended up freezing 9 day-5 embryos, and waited for my next cycle as I was at high risk for OHSS. After our first transfer, I was watching everything I did, ate, and felt. After the very long 2 weeks was over, I got my period and a negative pregnancy test. The second and third transfers came and went with the same results. The fourth time we got a POSITIVE! Only to find out at my second BETA, I had a chemical pregnancy.
Before the fifth attempt, I did a lot of work on myself. I went to see my family doctor and he said that my blood pressure was too high and that I needed to bring it back down. He also said that I needed to lose some weight. Over the next 5 months, that was my goal. I tried to not worry about trying to conceive at this time. I started 2016 the healthiest that I had been in over 10 years. With my blood pressure down and 50 pounds shed, I was ready for my next transfer.
Transfer went great and I was having similar symptoms to last time. We went in for the pregnancy test and I thought that was it....I was pregnant. About 3 hours later, the phone call came and it was negative. I took this one REALLY tough. This time, the past 5 years hit me hard – 5 years of tests, blood work, ultrasounds, needles, medications, negative pregnancy tests, waiting rooms, worrying it might not happen – at this point, everything really sank in.
After all the pain and tears my husband and I have suffered, I can say only one thing: a positive attitude is the best way to move forward. Try to not see everything as a failure, but as a step. Some of us have to climb a lot more steps, but you will have more appreciation once you reach the top. Our next step is still in the air (possible surrogacy or adoption), but I can guarantee just because I may not be able to have a child, doesn't mean I won't be a mother.