My husband and I have decided to stop trying to get pregnant.
Like for real. We are making sure no surprises happen and while this has been a huge decision for us, I feel good about it. Correction, we feel good about it. It’s the right decision for us and it has been freeing to be off the emotional monthly roller coaster of wondering if we are pregnant or not. I’m not obsessed with my cycle or when I’m ovulating or when I could take a pregnancy test or what treatments to try. We can be just us again. Well, sort of. Letting go of something that has consumed us for over 6 years doesn’t happen overnight, it is a constant battle. But we are feeling good about our decisions and happy with the road we are now heading down.
We have begun the adoption process and while it hasn’t been easy at all, it feels right for us and we are excited to see where this new journey takes us. So far, it has taken us right up to being adopt ready and currently waiting. So much waiting. I feel like we have been waiting for years. I guess we really have been waiting since 2010 to have a baby but the adoption wait has only been 3 months. Gosh, it feels so much longer than three months. I know that in the end, when we are matched with our baby, it will all feel worth it. But in the meantime, it is hard and all-consuming. Kind of like infertility, just different.
We have been open about our infertility journey
We are now being open about our adoption journey. Like anything, it comes with its pros and cons. It has been wonderful to feel the love and support we have received from family, friends and even strangers and hear other people’s stories of how their lives have been touched by adoption. It is also hard sometimes though, because people will always tell you their “horror” stories. There will always be negative people out there asking inappropriate questions and assuming the worst of adoption. We are learning how to handle these comments and are aware that we will always have to field them. I want to work on my responses now so that when we have little listening ears close by, we will be better prepared. Adoption is beautiful and I want to be able to share that.
I think that the most hurtful comment we have received so far is the “now you will get pregnant” one. People feel like it’s their place to tell us that now that we are relaxed and moving on, it will happen to us by surprise. Everyone knows “someone” who adopted and then miraculously got pregnant. But statistically, only 5% of couples who move on to adoption get pregnant after. That’s a pretty low number and I can guarantee you it won’t be us. I’m still working on an appropriate response when people tell me I’ll get pregnant now, you know, one that doesn’t involve swear words or punching.
Moving on to adoption doesn’t erase all the years we have suffered with infertility.
Sometimes people forget that. Just because we have closed the door on biological children doesn’t mean our hearts don’t ache a little over what we have lost. We still have wounds that will eventually turn into scars and be with us forever, but that’s life right? We all have scars, we just need to learn to live with them.
Jenn, The Canadian Housewife