There are different types of hope people experience, especially when faced with infertility and the uncertainty of having children.
People can either be optimistic, cautiously optimistic or they don’t even hold onto hope anymore (essentially living in fear).
Having children is in our biology, whether we like it or not. One of our inner-most function is to pro-create. It’s almost as inherent as breathing. But when we cannot have children, it’s as though we lose the ability to breathe. Something that comes so natural to us that many don’t even give it a second thought as we get older and begin our lives with our partners.
So those that are hopeful for the possibility of having children, they can be optimistic and can handle the let-down of potential bad news. These people are almost always excited about what could possibly come to pass. As time continues however with each disappointing news or result, that optimism can slowly fade away into caution.
When we’re cautiously optimistic, we tend not to get too excited about outcomes of our situations. We hold our emotions back. We hope for the best but are completely aware of the fears and possibilities we have moving forward.
After so many let downs, our fears can take over and some of us can no longer hold onto hope. Hope becomes a dream, a non-reality that only has a small chance of actually taking place in our lives. As we fear, we become depressed; we question life, our place in this world and our purpose. The depressing thoughts can sometimes spiral out of control to the point where the person can get used to the idea that nothing good will ever happen to them. They get used to the idea that there actually is no light at the end of the tunnel.
But life doesn’t stop for us. We have to keep moving forward. Whether we like it or not, we have responsibilities. We have to go to work. Our families need us. It’s difficult to see others around us are getting their dream jobs, dream homes, and building their families with seemingly relative ease. So what then?
Well we all have a choice.
We can choose to live in our bubble of depression and fear or we can hold onto hope. Even if to hold onto the smallest of hopes, or something good in your life, or someone, or anything to keep you moving forward. Because living in fear is no way to live at all.
It may sound easier said than done and in some cases it indeed is not easy. But don’t let that stop you. Keep pushing and keep searching because you never know when you might find that little something that keeps you going.
Love him or hate him, Lance Armstrong has some good advice in his book “It’s Not About The Bike” that can help us all through this journey of infertility and life; “Hope is the only antidote to fear.”