And then there was one…one chance left to have a baby. One month until that last chance occurs. One phone call from booking that appointment at the fertility clinic to seal your fate. As scary as it is, it’s exciting as hell to know it finally may be your turn.
And then there was one…one friend left out of your group that is yet to get pregnant. Damn, that’s a lonely thought. When you’re the last one out of your friends that is struggling with infertility to NOT be pregnant, that’s a new low. However, I will say this, the beauty of being at your lowest is that there’s nowhere to go but up! I am happy to say that I’m back up and that rock bottom had to happen.
I am glad it did, it shook me to the core and I am stronger for it and ready to look nowhere but forward.
And then there was one…one room full of baby stuff that was supposed to be for your new addition. One brand new glider chair that was supposed to rock your baby to sleep at night. One new playpen that was supposed to be in the car on the way to your parents so your baby could have their first sleepover at Grandma and Grandpa’s.
One heart with so much love to give to a baby that doesn’t exist yet.
And then there was one…one year left with your teenage stepdaughter at home before she graduates high school and gets her own place. One 13 year-old stepdaughter left at home which after that, makes having a baby seem like a whole new world which you question venturing into. One seed of doubt to be planted to spark a whole new level of uncertainty.
And then there was one…one last internal push and you just don’t know if you have it in you. One last path to take at that fork in the road. One last deep breath before you utter the final decision and have the talk with your husband about how you have been feeling lately. One last dose of reality and coming to terms with fate being stronger than your fight.
And then there was one…one giant emotional scar of every battle and victory on this beast of a journey…
And then there was one…but still no baby.
By Ginette LaVoie
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