Daniel and I had decided to start a family one year into our relationship. We finally had steady income, a place to call home and everything seemed to be falling into place. We started trying in June 2010 and it was 12 months of timed intercourse, ovulation tests, negative pregnancy tests and frustration! Once we had been trying for a full year with no results, we contacted our physician and went in to discuss where to go from there.
Our physician spoke with us and recommended we do a whole lot of blood work, some ultrasounds and internal testing for myself and a sperm analysis for Daniel. When we met with our doctor to discuss the results of our tests, my worst fear had been confirmed, we were dealing with fertility issues. Daniel had a very low volume and motility when it came to his sperm. We were given a few suggestions to maybe help with conceiving but we knew we were going to need a specialist that dealt with fertility so we were referred to an OBGYN. After seeing the specialist, he quickly referred us to a fertility clinic in Calgary where we were going to get the ball rolling to start our family, or so we thought.
Once we had met with our fertility doctor in Calgary, everything seemed so real. We were dealing with something very big and very common (which was a surprise to me). Our doctor also sent us for more tests that came back the same as before and we were given two option; IUI with a slim chance of working or IVF/ICSI with a very good chance of working. Due to financial reasons, we opted to try IUI, I mean it only takes one right? Well, it does only take one but unfortunately, it wasn't successful for us. Right before I got on the table to be inseminated, we were told that the sample my husband provided was very very low and there was a 2% chance of it working but we had made the 10 hour trip and we were there so we did it anyway. No success! IVF it was.
It took us quite a while (4 years to be exact) to save money to pursue IVF but once we had some savings (and a line of credit) we called our clinic to begin the IVF process. I called in my day one and then the whirlwind started. There were pills, injections, blood work appointments and ultrasounds all before even travelling to my clinic 10 hours away. Once my clinic felt it was time for me to be closer, I flew there and went to the clinic every 2nd day for blood work and ultrasounds until we were ready for the procedure. My husband flew out for 3 days just to be able to provide his part and be there for the retrieval. Once retrieval was done, he flew home and I stayed for 3 days until I transferred two great looking embryos! I flew home the next day and faced the dreaded two week wait! Fortunately, I went back to work 3 days after returning home and kept myself busy which passed the time!
Finally! Beta day came when we would travel to the city to have my blood work done and find out if IVF had worked but we would then wait another 24 hours for results. During my two week wait I did not take one home pregnancy test and was not tempted to take one but once I had that blood taken, I was impatient...haha
24 hours later and we get the call; we are PREGNANT!! I was at work when I got the call and I think I screamed loud enough for everyone in the shop to hear me. Finally, everything we had saved for and dreamed of was coming true! We were going to be parents! We didn't tell anyone right away besides the people who knew we had gone to have the procedure done which was only our parents and siblings. We kept it to ourselves through our 7 week ultrasound and our 12 week ultrasound, but once we had made it through the first trimester we made it public knowledge! We were in the clear and we wanted everyone to know! In the clear, we assumed that once the first trimester was done we would be safe.
Fast forward to week 17, I wake up and go to work and discover a small amount of brown discharge when I go to the bathroom. I freak out and consult all my girls friends. "Don't worry, brown is old" they tell me "Brown is fine, red is when you worry" they said...."GO TO THE DOCTOR" were my husband’s words and I am glad I listened. I went to my doctor that afternoon and he listened to the baby and we heard a strong heartbeat but he wanted to just check my cervix and make sure things were okay.....they weren't. My cervix had opened about an inch and he was concerned. He sent me right away to the nearest hospital.
Now the next 24 hours were a whirlwind for us. The doctor told us my cervix was open and it wasn't looking good. At this time I had started bleeding red and it was heavy at times so we were sent to a bigger hospital where a doctor would see us and put in a cerclage to close my cervix. When I got to the hospital, I was checked and it was too late for a cerclage. My cervix had opened too much and there was no possible way to save my baby.....no possible way.....I could not grasp those words. With every medical advancement we have today, how was there 'no possible way'? I was given two choices; take medicine to speed along the process or let things happen naturally. Neither of those choices allowed me to save my baby so none of them were what I wanted to choose. Fast forward to 7 hours later, we had chosen to let things happen naturally and nothing had happened, baby was still comfortable in there so we took the meds.
Within 2 hours of taking the medication, my son was brought to me in a basket wrapped in a 101 Dalmatians Blanket. I held him, unwrapped him and talked to him for hours until I had to give him back.
Now, I am left with no baby, no frozen embryos, A LOT of debt to pay back and still no child to call my own. We keep the faith that maybe someday it will be our turn, but with every pregnancy announcement, every month with a negative pregnancy test, every walk past the baby section of a store when I just run my hand over a onesie wondering when it will be my turn, my hope dwindles away...