2007 Phil and I had a beautiful wedding celebrating it with family and friends from far and near. After several months we decided let’s start a family, we were excited to begin this new journey.
Month after month my period started, I often pondered when is it going to be our month! That month never occurred so off to our family doctor we went. He completed some basic testing and blood work discovering our worst nightmare we had an infertility issues, so he referred us to an infertility specialist. We felt scared and alone! So off we went to see an infertility specialist. We both had to under go more blood work and testing, only to have our worst night mare confirmed: we are 1 in 6.
So, it began…I watched many couples get pregnant the first month of trying. All while I cried and wondered why it was so hard for me and how unfair life was. We felt alone like no one understood what we were going through. In social situations I hated sitting with women, as I had to listen to them talk about their kids, and how easy it was for them to get pregnant and that all their husband had to do was look at them and they became pregnant. I would leave situations like this and cry the whole way home. So, we began to avoid situations like this. When people are going through an infertility journey others around you have no idea how their words hurt. I had someone tell me my biological clock was ticking, or that being pregnant is just as stressful as getting pregnant, and the usual: so, do you have any children yet?
For years we went back and forth to fertility specialists, located an hour away from our home and we tried intrauterine inseminations (IUI) which was very trying with drugs, bloodwork and many internal ultrasounds to ensure the time was right. The process of baby making which was supposed to be fun and exciting between you and your partner has now become a sterile medical procedure with doctors, nurses, laboratory staff, and other hospital staff. You spend many appointments with various health professionals completing procedures, surgeries and testing, it becomes the norm for your life. We then decided a break was needed for a year or two, as the cards we were dealt were mentally and physically draining with so many let downs.
Then after the break where I guess deep down I thought just maybe it will happen naturally, but still…nothing happened. So, we decided we wanted to try again, this time when we went back to the fertility specialist for another go. As I was now a couple of years older, the appointment again didn’t go as planned. Not only was the infertility with my husband…they proceeded to tell me I was getting older and producing less eggs, so now my only option was invitro fertilization (IVF). Phil and I did some research on IVF and decided we would do it. As the province we live doesn’t have IVF we had to travel out of province for such a procedure. I went through testing upon testing and I had surgery in preparation for our last chance to have a baby. I had to take several needles, pills daily and internal ultrasound after internal ultrasound. Then it was time to travel for IVF so off we went.
Once we arrived I went through more internal ultrasounds and blood work which at this point my arms couldn’t take much more blood work. We tried our best to stay positive and strong. We flew home and then the hardest two weeks of my life the Two Week Wait! My emotions were up and down I cried, I laughed, I even got angry. Then the dreaded happened…I started my period. I became numb and didn’t know how to feel. We were very angry and very disappointed this journey caused us to have had a rollercoaster of emotions.
The biggest thing we learned from this journey and want to share is that your life story doesn’t always work out as you hoped or planned, and then you must re-write your story this took us time to understand and grasp we are still working through the re-write now. Also, we wanted to share our story and experience as we want people to know they are not alone in this journey, and through all ups and downs stay strong. There are days you may not feel “normal” but guess what you are! Re-writing your story takes a lot of hard work and strength and it is important that we come together to support each other. We try to see the silver lining we have two amazing dogs and lots of supportive family and friends who love us and stuck by us.