Some of you reading this may have already experienced the dreaded two week wait (TWW) like I have. Some of you may be getting ready to embark on your journey that will eventually lead you here. Either way, if you are anything like me then you are someone who desperately tries to not overanalyze every little pinch, gas bubble, and cramp, but cannot seem to stop. If you are also that person, then you know how I feel—desperate, frustrated and yet so hopeful.
Each person’s fertility journey is different. Whether it’s natural conception, IUI, or IVF, we all, in some way or another, experience the TWW. Waiting for beta day can feel like an eternity. You tell yourself “I’ve waited this long already, what’s another two weeks?” WRONG! Those next two weeks will feel like the longest weeks of your life. It’s probably one of the only times in your life when you wish the days were shorter so that the next day could come and go and bring you closer to finding out what you are hoping for so badly…am I pregnant? Did it finally work?
Is it time to break out the non-alcoholic champagne?
I am currently on Day 5 of the TWW of my third IVF cycle and it does not get any easier. I told myself this time would be different. I will not analyze every little feeling. I will not go on Dr. Google and read about how other people felt during their TWW and read every symptom of implantation over and over like it’s going to change something. But guess what I’ve done— exactly all of the things I just listed. Why you may ask? This is my third time I should be able to refrain and handle things better right? Well no. I am human just like everyone else and I want this so badly my heart aches and that’s why I go against my better judgement and do all the things I am not supposed to do. Just like most of you will probably do at some point in your journey and just like the majority of you reading this blog are nodding your heads thinking “I know just how you feel and I’ve done the exact same things”.
And I am here to reinforce that it is okay. Do whatever you need to do to get through the TWW.
Don’t let anyone tell you how you should or should not feel because ultimately, they are not you and may not understand what you’re going through. My husband gets frustrated when he sees me looking online when I am pretending to watch the movie on TV, but he doesn’t get it even though he wants to. He doesn’t feel what I am feeling inside as he doesn’t have a uterus (thankfully— can you imagine if men had to go through this? I don’t think many would survive!) and he doesn’t have an embryo inside him, hopefully growing and getting stronger with each passing day. With every pinch, flutter and flinch, it gives me hope that this is happening but then I second guess it wondering, is it just a side effect of the medication?
Eventually the TWW will come to an end and you will find out if everything you felt was real and the miracle of life has been blessed upon you. I hope this is true for us all. If not and it was really the side effects of the progesterone, then take comfort in knowing you are not alone. I have been there with you and together we will get through this. Take each day, one step at a time. Remember to laugh and smile and hold on to those close to you to get through this.
Fairen Balogh, ababyforthebaloghs.wordpress.com