Reflecting over the past six months I think I did an adequate job at preparing myself for what was ahead.
What I couldn’t have imagined was how little control I would have over my everyday life. If you know me, you know I’m a planner. I like to book things far in advance. I usually have my summer calendar of weddings and adventures planned well before spring even arrives. I allot time for vacations, extra-long weekends and everything in between.
At the beginning of this year, knowing we would be starting our assisted fertility journey, I carried on as usual. I booked a trip to Florida for March to spend three days with my best friend and her family in Fort Myers. I knew I had pending appointments and that this travel would work out perfectly (or so I thought). Fast forward to February, we hit another road bump and it was anticipated that I wouldn’t be able to start IUI until June after I met with a specialist and had final clearance. Well, I went on a cancellation list and was able to get an appointment in February where the doctor then gave us the go ahead to start IUI in March. Notwithstanding the fact that Zika was still a hot topic in Florida, my period was due to start while I was away. What did that mean? If I wasn’t here for day 2 or day 3 of my cycle for monitoring, I would miss that cycle. I could have waited one more month but when you’ve been waiting 50+ months already, it was not an option for me. I quickly cancelled my trip and stayed home.
I was wrong.
In April, I booked a concert and a night away in Muskoka for a Saturday night in July. At the time, I pretty much assumed I would be pregnant anyways so I didn’t think it would interfere. I was wrong. In fact, the concert and night away happened to fall the day after my egg retrieval. I knew I wouldn’t have the energy nor feel up to going after that. The days leading up to my procedure were rough. I bloated to a point I didn’t imagine possible, I couldn’t fit in to most of my clothes and everything was sore. The week of the concert I cancelled our hotel and gave the tickets away.
While these are just a couple of examples, I have quickly learned that I don’t have much control over my life and most of my planning with friends and family these days comes with a disclaimer: “I’d love to, but there’s always a chance that it may not happen”. I’ve missed weekend’s away and nights out with friends and have even had to cancel plans with my husband. I know it’s all for the greater good and one day I won’t even remember the times when my cycle controlled my life but for now, it’s all very real.
I’m learning every day to accept the things I cannot change while trying to fully enjoy everything that I do have control over.
Michelle L, alongroadtobaby.wordpress.com