Here we are on month five of our assisted fertility journey and I am still learning something new every day. We have now gone through three rounds of IUI, all of which failed, and are currently in the middle of our first IVF cycle. Every new medication, blood test and appointment brings something new that we must come to understand or is often something we must learn more about.
Unless you are going through this process, it is rarely something that people truly get.
Even once you do know someone going through the process it may become even more confusing. I am someone going through the process and I am left amazed most of the time. I have had many friends apologize for asking so many questions but truthfully, I’m happy to talk about it. In fact, sometimes I even learn something new I may not have known before.
I’ve had friends ask me what things I would want to hear from them since I’m dealing with infertility. So often there are articles out there that discuss “what not to say to your infertile friend” and not much around what you should say. To be honest, that is because there isn’t much to say. I prefer the truth I get from my friends who will tell me that they don’t understand, but that they are there if I need them. I always need my friends and just knowing they are there and that they care about this means a lot to me.
Far too often people think they need an answer for everything and many times with infertility, there just isn’t one. Even when I do need a shoulder to cry on, a lot of my friends know I don’t always require a response, I just need a set of ears. I think the best part about our friends is they all acknowledge that they don’t know what we are going through but that they will support us in any way we need. So, I guess the one thing you could say to your infertile friend is that you will always be there for them, even if it’s in silence with a box a Kleenex (and perhaps even a giant bottle of wine).
You don’t understand, and that’s totally ok because you’re still an amazing source of support.
Michelle L, alongroadtobaby.wordpress.com